Shalom, Rabbi.
I grew up in a traditional home, and my mother would always say to us, her children, “kaparah alayikh”—may I be your atonement. After I married and had children, I began using the same words. My husband says this is wrong because it means that I am willing to die as an atonement for the children and that it opens one’s mouth to Satan. Is it forbidden? Do words like these have binding force?
Thank you.
Shalom and blessings,
This is a good question, because a person must be careful about the words he utters. Our sages taught that one should never open his mouth to Satan.
However, the words “may I be your atonement” do not mean, God forbid, that the mother wishes to die for the child. They mean that she is willing to accept upon herself any misfortune that might befall the child, as Rashi explains in Kiddushin 31.
It is therefore not forbidden to say these words, but one should know that they have meaning and force. They should not be used casually as slang unless the speaker understands their meaning and is prepared for it.
Although a person cannot take another’s sin or punishment upon himself and thereby exempt the sinner, through his declaration he can accept liability for the sin or punishment like a guarantor. The Holy One, blessed be He, will decide whether to exact payment from the sinner or the guarantor, as explained in the reasons for the answer.
With blessings,
Rabbi David Ohayon
This response was translated automatically from Hebrew and has not yet been reviewed by a person. It may therefore contain inaccuracies and should not be considered a definitive reference.
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