Dear holy and pure Rabbis, mighty scholars of Torah and its students—may Hashem be with you; may you live, Amen.
My name is Yosef. I am from the Ethiopian community and became observant 12 years ago, baruch Hashem. I am married with a daughter, baruch Hashem. I have long peyot, and my daughter has a small ponytail. I would like to know whether there is any permissible way on Shabbat for us to apply cream to my daughter’s hair and gather it with an elastic band so that it will look neat and beautiful. May I apply gel to my peyot so that they will be orderly? It is very humiliating for us when our hair does not look like that of ordinary people, but is entirely curly and tangled; when we wake up in the morning, we cannot leave the house out of embarrassment, lest people mock us.
Sadly, there have already been occasions when people in the street laughed at us and looked at us strangely. This feels extremely humiliating and distressing to us, to the point that we have nearly lost hope of going out to the synagogue on Shabbat to pray…
Then, one day, I, the insignificant one, while lifting my eyes and heart in prayer and shedding tears before the Master of the Universe, asking Him to grant me an opening for leniency so that we may arrange my peyot and my daughter’s hair—so that all my honor may be in being publicly recognizable as a Jew and that I should not be ashamed to go out into the street on Shabbat with my wife and children, and so that I may finally apply cream or gel to the hair—I happened to see in Berachot 19b that human dignity is so great that it overrides a Torah prohibition. When I further examined the Rambam, I saw that he writes that, according to this principle, other prohibitions are set aside when observing them entails humiliation for a person. The Gemara concludes that this principle applies only to rabbinic prohibitions. However, regarding Torah prohibitions, according to the Rambam this leniency does not apply except in a few cases (a met mitzvah and returning a lost object). [According to other Rishonim, however, where the prohibition is transgressed passively, through shev v’al ta’aseh, it is permitted even to set aside Torah prohibitions for the sake of human dignity.]
I would like to know whether this might provide an opening for me, etc. I would also like to ask: why do they say that applying cream or gel to the hair on Shabbat is forbidden? Is it considered the melachah of boneh, or merely appears like boneh? As I understand it, the melachah of boneh applies only to something of lasting permanence, etc. The primary prohibition in applying gel or cream, as I understand it, is that it appears like boneh. Is there a major difference between these two prohibitions, and can it be permitted because of human dignity?
May Heaven assist you, that the halachah should be ruled in accordance with you everywhere. May you pray and be answered with mercy from Heaven, and may the good Hashem in His mercy assist you in ruling the true halachah. Amen, may it be His will.
Shalom u’vracha,
I read your beautiful question carefully, words that come from the heart, and I hereby respond as follows.
There are two halachic prohibitions involved in using hair gel on Shabbat. One is the rabbinic prohibition of memare’ach; the other is the rabbinic prohibition of boneh.
Therefore, using hair gel on Shabbat is forbidden, both because of boneh and because of memare’ach. However, using a liquid cream or liquid spray to smooth and soften the hair is permitted, since memare’ach does not apply to a liquid. Nor is there a prohibition of boneh, since it does not create a form in the hair, but merely smooths and softens it.
Therefore, insofar as your need is to smooth, soften, and gather the hair, you may use a liquid cream or a spray that softens the hair, so that it will be properly neat and gathered. However, using gel, or even a spray whose purpose is to set the hair in a particular shape, is forbidden.
Regarding curling and setting the form of the peyot after softening the hair, the poskim disagree as to whether this is considered boneh. One may be lenient, particularly if some of the curled form remains and there is only a need to reinforce and arrange it, and especially where human dignity is involved.
With esteem and blessings that you merit to fulfill the mitzvot of the Torah with joy and pride,
Rabbi David Ohayon
This response was translated automatically from Hebrew and has not yet been reviewed by a person. It may therefore contain inaccuracies and should not be considered a definitive reference.
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