How do we do teshuva?
I will start by explaining that the expression “doing teshuva” has two meanings (both are important and related to each other):
We will present a response to both aspects of this question: “How do we do techuva?”
Let’s start with the common meaning of the expression “doing teshuva.” This refers to a person who until now lived without observing
the laws of the Torah and the mitzvot (generally because they grew up in an environment that did not encourage it), but who has had the chance to discover the light of Judaism and wishes to begin observing the Torah and the mitzvot.
So, how do we do that?
In theory, the essential thing is the decision to start, with the help of G-D., to get closer to observing the mitzvot (at one’s own pace, as explained later). In other words, the person wishes to begin observing halakha in all aspects of life. It is good and appropriate to reinforce this decision by pronouncing the formula of acceptance of divine sovereignty:
It is therefore essential to commit to learning the laws, because without studying them, it is impossible to apply them.
There you go, now, after this decision, the person is already considered a true ba’al tshuva, and with the help of G-d, they will gradually draw closer to the Creator. However, given that the transition from a free lifestyle to a lifestyle in accordance with halakha requires numerous changes, it is necessary to succeed in this task, and also to ensure that the changes are made appropriately and not distorted (as unfortunately happens), it is important to pay attention to several technical recommendations:
The progression in the observance of the Torah and the mitzvot must be gradual!! If a person with a ponytail and kippah rushes to start observing the entire Torah immediately, the person might, G-d forbid, fall back. (This is why, for those who are beginning their path of teshuva, all possible leniencies are applied and no stringencies are imposed, as written in the name of our master, Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, in the book Ma’ayan Omer, vol. 4, § 28).
It is very important that the ba’al tshuva has a qualified haredi rabbi with whom he can consult at every step. And it is important that
the connection is personal and not digital.
Please provide the text you would like me to translate. Although it is possible to learn halakha alone from contemporary halakha summary books, there is a great advantage to regular learning in a shiur given by a rabbi knowledgeable in the laws, so that the interpretation is precise.
Please provide the text you would like to have translated. It is also advisable to be invited during Shabbatot to Haredi families (and if he is married, to do so with his wife) to closely observe the desired way of living in all aspects of life, as some things can only be learned through direct experience.
And of course, in addition to the observance of the Torah and the mitzvot in general, at a certain stage, it is recommended to pay attention to observing the stages of “teshuva” in the halakhic sense (but in the case of ba’alei teshuva who have made a transformation in their lives, “teshuva” will not be for a single transgression but for faults in general), and this will be explained now:
How to return to repentance, in the halakhic sense, for one (or several) transgression(s), that is, what are the steps to “erase” the sin and thus purify the soul and draw closer to the Creator once again? The steps are explained by the Rambam in Laws of Repentance (chapter 2, halakha 2):
And what is repentance? It is when the sinner abandons his sin, distances it from his mind, and decides in his heart not to commit it again, as it is said: ‘Let the disbeliever abandon his path,’ and he must also regret the past, as it is said: ‘For after I repented, I regretted…’. He must confess orally and express the points he has decided in his heart to change.
We will detail the steps mentioned by the Rambam:
The first step of repentance is the change in the realm of actual actions, that is, the avoidance of the sin for which one “does teshuva.” The individual must indeed cease committing the wrongful act to be considered in a genuine process of repentance.
And if he does not renounce the sin, even if he performs the other steps of repentance, he is like “a man immersed with an impure creature in his hand” (Talmud Ta’anit 16a and Rambam, there, halakha 3), that is, like someone who performs the necessary action to purify himself, but still holds the cause of his impurity.
The sinner must feel sorrow for what he has sinned and for having disobeyed the will of the Creator.
The level of this “sorrow” that is considered repentance is such that in his feeling, if he could go back in time, he would act differently (which is the meaning of “regret”). In any case, the more he feels sorrow for what happened, the deeper the repentance is considered.
Unlike Christianity, the individual does not have to confess before other people, but the confession is made before the Creator. Confession is the moment when the individual expresses in words that they have sinned. Stating the sin with one’s mouth helps the individual to further anchor the awareness of what has been done, and thus their repentance is completed.
The essence of confession lies in uttering the words: “But we have sinned” (or “But I have sinned”), and according to strict law, it is not necessary to specify what he has sinned for, but it is appropriate for him to specify what he has sinned (provided there are no others listening), that is, to say: “But I have sinned and I have done this and that.” (Choulhan ‘Aroukh, O.H. § 607, 2).
It is customary to “strike” (gently) with the hand on the heart at the moment of pronouncing the confession. And this also has a benefit according to the secret meaning of the Torah.
The final stage of the process of repentance is at the intellectual level, the stable decision for the future (the personal commitment to transform the abandonment of sin into a permanent achievement). This means that the sinner wholeheartedly accepts never to commit this sin (or these sins) again.
The perfect manner of this acceptance is when God knows that His decision is so strong that He will not sin even if the temptation presents itself in the same way with the same precise conditions (Rambam, there, halakha 2: “And let Him testify, He who knows the secrets, that He will never return to this sin, as it is said: ‘And we will no longer say: ‘Our God’ to the works of our hands…’”).
It should be noted that even if subsequently, the individual “fell” and sinned again with the same sin, this does not prove that their repentance was not complete, because at that moment they may have truly made a firm decision, and nevertheless, they relapsed just like anyone else could, without ever having sinned.
It is explained in the Talmud Yoma, page 86a, and in the Rambam, Laws of Repentance, chapter 1, halakha 4:
Everything mentioned above, to establish the definition of “teshuva,” the steps we have discussed (abandonment of sin, regret, confession, and acceptance for the future) are sufficient – this is the structure of “basic” repentance, through which the Holy One, blessed be He, “forgives” the individual, and then the positive commandment of “And you shall return to Hashem your God and listen to His voice” is applied. But beyond that, it is possible to add higher levels in repentance, and the higher the level of repentance, the more his soul will be completely purified and he will draw closer to the Holy One, blessed be He.
In the book Shaarei Teshouva by Rabbeinu Yonah zatsal, in chapter 1, section 9, he elaborates on what contributes to strengthening repentance, such as “yagon” (a deep pain of the heart), “shame” (feeling embarrassed before the Creator for having disobeyed His will), “submission” (feeling a sense of submission before the King of kings), and weeping over sins, etc. – see there in detail.
Our sages (in Yoma, page 86a) and in several places, distinguish between “repentance out of fear” and “repentance out of love.” Because the motivation for repentance directly influences the level of repentance:
In the repentance of fear, sin is “erased” from the individual’s soul, but in the repentance of love, sin transforms into a “merit” for the individual, who sanctifies themselves through their repentance.
It is said in the Mishna Yoma, chapter 8:
“The one who says: I will sin and I will repent, I will sin and I will repent, does not receive the means to repent.” I will sin and Yom Kippur will atone, Yom Kippur does not atone.
This means that an individual who commits a sin, and who plans to repent after the sin in order to escape punishment, our sages testify that he will not succeed in returning to repentance (and there are different interpretations of this and we do not elaborate here).
But if, by mistake, he acted in this manner, if he manages to repent even for that, that he sinned with the intention of repenting (that is, he truly regrets this approach from the beginning, and he would not have wanted to sin even if he had been given the opportunity to repent and escape punishment), then his repentance will be accepted.
And to conclude, it is important to know that a penitent should not remain in a state of sadness about the past permanently, because only at the moment of confession should the individual feel pain (as the Arizal wrote), but the rest of the time, they should be in joy, and serve the Holy One, blessed be He, with joy (Deuteronomy 28:47), and rejoice in the fact that they had the chance to return to repentance, and our sages said (Talmud Berakhot, page 34b) that in the place (in paradise) where the penitents stand, the complete righteous cannot stand.
Good luck!!
PLEASE NOTE*
Attention: You should not learn from one case to another, each case must be analyzed individually. Generally speaking, it's always best to have contact with a Rabbi in person, not just virtual contact. Note that where there is a local Rabbi("Mara Deatra"), one should ask him. The answers are under the responsibility of the rabbi who responded, and not under the responsibility of the website and/or the Head of the Institution.
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