There are dreams about deceased people, in which the deceased explicitly states the purpose of their appearance in the dream. In these cases, the question is simpler. But often (as in your case), they weren’t given permission to speak (or they themselves aren’t interested in speaking so as not to lose their merits), and then it’s necessary to investigate the meaning of the question, because it’s not without reason.
First, it’s important to know that not every dream is real, and we’ve already written about this elsewhere on how to recognize if a dream is real. Likewise, if the person thought about the deceased in the recent past, there’s not much significance in having dreamed about it at night, because it’s generally written in the Gemara (Berachot 55b): “Nothing is shown to a person except the thoughts of his heart.”
In any case, assuming it’s a true dream, the following:
If the deceased appeared sad, naked, barefoot, sick, and the like:
In these cases, the deceased intended to announce that they needed something done for their soul and that they needed “reparation of the deceased” (Tikun Haniftarim) for their soul. Such a dream should be taken seriously, since the deceased made an effort to achieve this and initially appeared in a dream to a friend or acquaintance still alive, letting them know that they were suffering. If this friend didn’t identify with the dream and didn’t care to do something for the deceased’s soul, the deceased should appear in a dream to their family in the hope that they will understand the dream and take action. We will copy the words of Kabbalist Gaon Mohar”r Yehuda Fetaya ZT”L from his book Minchat Yehuda Siman 82:
“It often happens that the deceased is ashamed to show himself naked in a dream, etc., until his soul is exhausted by the anguish he finds himself in. He must appear in a dream to one of his acquaintances or friends and show them, with a hint, that he is experiencing suffering. If his relatives are not moved, he will return in a dream to his close relatives. And if they are also not moved by this, he will have to return in a dream to his closest relatives and show them that he is sick, naked, hungry, and so on. Because the deceased is not visible to his children and heirs at first, as he feels more shame and embarrassment before them than those who are far away. If the heirs are also not moved by this, he accepts the heavenly judgment upon himself and no longer returns in a dream.”
If their descendants know that they have sins on their hands, such as not fulfilling a certain mitzvah, then there is no need to link the dream to the need for “correction,” but rather for [these descendants] to improve their actions, because the spiritual state of the children directly affects the peace of the deceased parent’s soul.
And the great Kabbalist Mohar”r”r Aharon Berachiah of Modina zt”l already wrote about this in his book Ma’avar Yabok (Siftei Tzaddikim ch. 24):
“Sometimes the deceased comes to the living in a dream—to make them repent.”
If the deceased is happy and well-dressed:
This happens when the deceased comes to reassure their relatives that their condition in heaven is good. And if they performed “tikkun haniftarim” for them, the deceased’s intention is to announce that the tikun truly benefited them and that they acknowledge a favor. As the Kabbalist Rabbi Yehuda Fetaya zt”l wrote in his book Minchat Yehuda, mentioned above.
If the deceased appears angry, their face is frowning:
Usually, this is a message for the dreamer or the deceased’s family, telling them to repent of something specific. They should analyze what they need to repent of. (See also the book Bema’a’galei Tzedek, p. 23, and many others.)
If in a dream, one saw the deceased while in the dreamer’s house
In this case, the Gemara in Berachot (page 57b) explains it as follows:
If he saw the deceased in his house (in the dreamer’s house), it is a sign that there will be peace in the house.
And if the deceased ate and drank in the house, it is a good sign for the house.
If the deceased took shoes from the house, it is not a good sign.
If the deceased took objects other than shoes, it is a good sign.
If the deceased gave an object to the dreamer, it is a good sign, unless he gave them earth or mustard. And in the wills of Rabbi Yehuda the Hasid [“The Pious”] (13th century), he warned that if a sick person whose loved one has passed away wants to bring them an object (not necessarily when they are at home), the object should not be taken from them (as there is danger in doing so). Some disagree (see Yad Ephraim’s commentary on the wills there). Similarly, in the Holy Zohar (Bamibar, page 55b), it is explained that everything the deceased gives one in a dream is good, and some cite in the name of Rashi that if one does not want to receive what the deceased gives one in a dream, then it is not a good sign. And according to the Sefer Hasidim, he wrote in the book of Milli D’Hasiduta (commentary on the Sefer Hasidim) that if the deceased in the dream was a righteous person, then it is good to receive something from them in a dream. In any case, one must be careful to interpret the situation for the good, as everything depends on the interpretation of the dream.
If the deceased, in a dream, brings you a drink with his hand and not in a container, it is not a good sign (Rav Hai Gaon, Yemenite manuscript).
A deceased person who tells you in a dream to follow him: Danger!
A deceased person has a dream
In the Sefer Hasidim (Siman 237), it is written that if someone sees a Gentile or even a Jew in a dream and says to them, “Come after me” (or “Come with me,” and the like), then this is a great danger, as the deceased’s intention is to ask the dreamer to die like them.
And what should a person who has had such a dream do?
In the Sefer Hasidim mentioned above, it is written that one should go to the deceased’s grave and say to them: I swear to you (so-and-so, son of so-and-so) that you will not follow me or seek me, and I, so-and-so, son of so-and-so, do not want to follow you. And they should repeat this three times aloud, so that they can be heard from at least four cubits (2 meters) away. [And there is also what to do if you cannot reach the grave.]
And it is also written in the Sefer Hasidim (1929) that, in this case, one must make atonement, which is, in fact, the purpose of the dream.
The Maran Hidda (in the aforementioned Berit Olam, 68) added that one must make atonement for one’s soul, or at least give charity and make atonement. This is also the case in the book Zecher David of Modina (Article 1, Chapter 91).
And recently we heard of Rabbi Gaon Yungreiz, zt”l, who gave shiur in the Yeshiva Or Yisrael for young people, and who announced that he had dreamed of his Master, Rabbi Eliezer Menachem Man Shach, zt”l, who told him to come to him, and after two weeks he [Rav Yungreiz] passed away.
Dreaming of a Deceased Person Who Did Various Things – Solutions
If the deceased person seen in a dream not only “appeared” but also did certain things, this has a meaning that requires a solution, and here are the solutions (according to Rav Hai Gaon, see the book Mishnath HaChalomot, p. 610). It’s worth remembering that solutions are also determined by how they are resolved (therefore, we have mainly presented the good solutions, and even when we have presented bad solutions, we have presented them in refined language and without details):
If the deceased hugged or kissed you – a good sign for your financial situation (Rav Hai Gaon). Some say that if they kissed you, it is a less good sign (Eliya Rabbah in the name of Mate Moshe).
If the deceased struck you – some say it is a sign that, thanks to this deceased person, some of the sadness that should have fallen upon them has been alleviated (Rav Hai Gaon, Yemenite manuscript). Seeing yourself washing, dressing, or carrying the deceased—this has to do with one’s status and, in this context, is not a good sign (Rav Hai Gaon, Yemenite manuscript).
If the deceased holds you tightly—a sign of life and peace (Rav Hai Gaon, Yemenite manuscript).
Seeing yourself walking behind the deceased’s coffin—a sign that you have performed an act that brings you closer to God (Rav Hai Gaon).
Dreaming that you yourself give the deceased food and drink, or give them something—some see this as a less positive sign (Rav Hai Gaon, Yemenite manuscript).
Seeing a Deceased Righteous Person (Tzadik) in a Dream
If someone sees a righteous person in a dream who has passed away and no message has come from him, it is possible that it is an angel in the form of that righteous person who has come to inform him that some evil decree has fallen upon the dreamer and that he has been saved thanks to that righteous person (Ahavat Eitan al Ha’eyin Ya’akov Ta’anit, page 24b, from the Sefer Sodei Raza).
And, of course, if a message has come from the righteous person, either verbally or implicitly, then the reason for the dream is likely the message itself.
May it be our will that we may merit the resurrection of the dead soon, Amen.
