Sources and Reasons:
The Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah 391:2) prohibits eating at a gathering meal throughout the twelve months for one’s father or mother. A gathering meal means that a group would assemble and take turns, with each person paying for the meal in his turn. This is a discretionary meal, and since it involves excessive rejoicing, it should not be held.
However, when a father and mother make a meal for their children, as is customary, this is not included in gathering meals, since it does not involve excessive rejoicing. It is included in the mitzvah of honoring parents, and family members may eat with their parents even when they are numerous. However, where a large meal is held (such as this one), and it involves excessive rejoicing, this too should be avoided. Nevertheless, if words of Torah, songs, and praises to Hashem are said there, it then becomes somewhat of a seudat mitzvah, as written in Teshuvot Chavat Yair (siman 70). The Magen Avraham (siman 670, se’if katan 4) and the Mishnah Berurah (siman 670, se’if katan 8 and se’if katan 9) permit leniency, all the more so where they have already arranged and reserved a venue.
A gift should not be given to one’s mother who is in mourning during the year of mourning, but it is permitted to give one to one’s father.
This response was translated automatically from Hebrew and has not yet been reviewed by a person. Therefore, it may contain inaccuracies and should not be considered a definitive reference.
