My daughter doesn’t want to recite the blessing, what do we do?

Hello and blessings!

In your case, there are two magic words: responsibility and trust. I’ll explain what I mean.

As you described, you have already explained to her enough the importance of the matter, and she understood the values that are important to you as parents. Therefore, there is no need to keep explaining over and over. Thank G-d, she has already internalized the concepts, and they are already within her.

From now on, I suggest you leave the responsibility in her hands.

As long as you remind her to say the blessing or check if she has said it, she might feel that she has no reason to take responsibility because “Mom is already taking care of it.” Perhaps subconsciously, she even feels a gain in not blessing herself, because it makes you think about her, worry about her, and give her a sense of belonging and closeness.

Now it’s time to move to the trust level. Give her your full trust: she has already heard about the importance of blessings, and there is no doubt she will bless. Even if not today – tomorrow, or the day after. It is natural for a Jew who believes in G-d with clear values to bless.

And it’s also important to convey trust that there is no difference between a long blessing and a short one. A girl her age can easily recite the Grace After Meals (Bircat Hamazon), and if you have any doubt or feel that she might struggle with it, she might sense that and take it as a justification to be lenient.

And regarding checking if she has indeed started to bless – avoid that. If your heart wants to check if she had recited the blessing, the responsibility might still be on you. Instead, treat her like an ordinary religious girl, who necessarily blesses. She will feel it.

Don’t worry, even if you stop reminding her about the blessings, she won’t feel that you’re giving up on her or getting frustrated with her. She will feel that you trust her and allow her this space. At this age, continuing reminders about blessings are not helpful, it’s a fact. You can stop reminding her quietly in your heart, and trust that things will happen on their own, with G-d’s help. And most importantly – not to follow the change, but to feel and convey calm and confidence that she will take responsibility.

And for a moment, don’t worry that she will be dragged along by the brothers who do not observe the Torah and commandments. The internal drive of children is to please their parents and follow their path, even if sometimes it seems they are doing the opposite to attract attention or for other reasons.

In short, for you, all the work right now is in your heart, there’s no need to act directly regarding her, you need to “neutralize” any emotion towards this matter, not to feel that this topic is troubling or “pulling” you; and on the contrary, to feel that she is certainly blessing and everything is fine, and then truly, G-d willing, everything will be fine, believe in it strongly.

And as you surely do excellently, always pray for her and the other sons as well, that they should all always be filled with the fear of Heaven.

Most of the joy, G-d willing!!