The Required Laws of a Jewish Funeral
בית עלמין – בית קברות
It is a positive mitzvah, ordained by the Sages, to accompany the deceased to his grave, and at the very least to escort him four cubits. This is included in the mitzvah of gemilut chasadim (acts of kindness). By virtue of this mitzvah one merits long life and many years (Zohar, Parashat Vayakhel, p. 196b).
[See also: Who is buried in a Jewish cemetery?]
It is a mitzvah to be personally involved in handling the body when carrying the coffin. The custom is that each person carries the coffin for a short while and then switches, so that all may have a share in this mitzvah (Perishah, Yoreh De’ah 358).
One must conduct oneself at the funeral with seriousness and silence, and refrain from idle chatter or matters unrelated to the deceased. Therefore, it is proper to turn off cellular phones during the funeral and eulogies (Rabbi Ovadia Yoseph, Chazon Ovadia, Avelut, vol. 1, p. 302).
Women should not go before the bier at all, but only after it, and they should not go to the cemetery.
It is forbidden to place flowers on the bier of the deceased; however, if one fears dispute, one should not strongly protest against it (Rabbi Ovadia Yoseph, Yabia Omer, vol. 3, Yoreh De’ah, §24).
When arriving at the cemetery
הר המנוחות
- When arriving at the cemetery, the custom in Jerusalem is to place the deceased near his grave and perform a series of circuits (the order of which is found in Ma’avar Yabbok, Shiftei Tzedek ch. 87; Kuntres HaYechieli, Beit Olamim p. 75; and Gesher HaChayim, vol. 1, ch. 15). This is done to drive away evil spirits, destructive angels, and human harm (Kenesset HaGedolah, Yoreh De’ah 357; Ma’avar Yabbok, Shiftei Rina ch. 17). This practice is not done for minors or for women. Similarly, on a day when Tachanun is not recited, the circuits are not performed, even on Motza’ei Shabbat after midnight (Chaim Sha’al, vol. 2, §25).
- After placing the deceased in the grave, he is covered with slabs from head to foot. Then earth is placed over the slabs, while reciting: “VeHu Rachum yechaper avon…” (Ma’avar Yabbok, Shiftei Emet ch. 27). It is customary for all those present to place a small amount of earth upon the grave. Care should be taken not to pass the shovel directly from hand to hand (Chazon Ovadia, Avelut, vol. 1, p. 327).
- After the grave is filled with earth, Tzidduk HaDin is recited, except on days when Tachanun is omitted (Rema, Yoreh De’ah 401). Afterwards, the prayer of Hashkavah is said, followed by verses such as “Bila ha-mavet lanetzach…” (Isaiah 25:8), “Yechyu meitecha…” (Isaiah 26:19), “VeHu Rachum…”, then Psalm 15 (Mizmor leDavid, Mi Yagur…), Psalm 16 (Michtam leDavid), and Kaddish Yehe Shelama (Kaddish Shalem). (Kuntres HaYechieli, Beit Olamim, end of ch. 9).
When parting from cemetery
ספל נטילת ידיים
- When parting from the deceased, it is customary to say: “Go in peace, and you shall stand in your lot at the end of days…” (Masgeret HaShulchan, §399).
- As the funeral attendees leave the cemetery, they customarily pluck earth and grass, throw them behind themselves, and say: “And they shall blossom out of the city like the grass of the field” (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 376).
- Upon leaving the burial place, or after attending a funeral, one must wash one’s hands. The custom is not to pass the vessel directly from hand to hand; rather, the first person sets it down and the next takes it (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim §4:18; Rema, Yoreh De’ah 376; Chazon Ovadia, Avelut, vol. 1, p. 332; Responsa R’ Akiva Eiger, Yoreh De’ah 376).
The Required Laws of Jewish Burial
The deceased is placed on his back with his face upward (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 362:2).
In Jerusalem, the custom is to bury the deceased with his feet and face directed toward the Temple. In other towns of Eretz Yisrael, the custom is to place the feet toward Jerusalem, as if ready to arise and go there (Gesher HaChayim, vol. 1, p. 138).
Recently, due to shortage of burial space and the high costs of graves, especially in Jerusalem, many couples purchase during their lifetime a double grave known as a mekhpelah zugit (“double plot”). In this arrangement, the grave is dug very deep, and the first spouse to pass away is buried below, covered with more than 60 cm of earth. Later, when the other spouse passes away, he or she is buried above, and one gravestone is placed with both names inscribed. Many ask whether this is permissible. In Responsa Torat Meir, vol. 2, I concluded at length that it is permitted to bury a husband and wife in this way, even ideally—especially if they lack the financial means to purchase separate plots, or if they wish to be buried together in a certain location where there is only one space available. However, one must ensure in advance that the local Chevra Kadisha observes the halachic requirement of 60 cm of earth separation between them.
A wife is buried next to her husband. If she was widowed and remarried, she is buried next to her first husband, for at the time of the Resurrection she will return to her first husband (Yabia Omer, vol. 7, Yoreh De’ah §40; Chazon Ovadia, Avelut, vol. 1, p. 428, according to the Zohar). If they wish to inscribe her maiden name on the gravestone, her second husband may not object (ibid.).
Care must be taken that a Torah-observant Jew be buried in a section designated for Sabbath-observant Jews, since being buried next to a wicked person causes great anguish to the deceased. Therefore, in military cemeteries, care must be taken not to bury non-Jewish soldiers next to Jewish soldiers, even if they died in sanctification of G-d’s Name.
It is forbidden to reopen a grave after it has been sealed, even if heirs dispute matters and request it on various grounds, or in order to examine the deceased (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 363).
It is forbidden to exhume and relocate a deceased person except under very special conditions (Shulchan Aruch ibid.). In every such case, one must consult a recognized Torah authority.
See also: What should be said at the time of death and the funeral?